Thursday, September 17, 2009

A knitter's fantasy life

You know how sometimes, you put on that sweater you just made?

That frickin' fabulous-est sweater of all time, and you have just the right outfit, with just the right accessories for it, and it looks exactly like you thought it would. And you are the bitchin'est person alive, practically, you are sure of it.

In fact, you are so fabuloso you are fairly certain that on your walk to school this morning, cars are just going to slam into each other as drivers crane their heads to get a better glimpse of the awesomest sweater ever and the person cool enough to own it.

(You can't imagine they'd actually know you made it, but you figure you will explain that to them when they pull over and demand to know exactly where they can find such a great thing, and you tell them, modestly and even somewhat apologetically, that Oh, sorry, no, they can't have one, really. 'Cuz, heh, I made it. Yes, really. No, no. It's easy, really. No sweat! Anyone could do it! Yeah, yeah... Well, thank you!) And they will drive off into the sunset, shaking their heads at your sheer genius and pitying themselves for their incompetence.

The fact that none of this actually happens doesn't dissuade you one little bit. You know it's a great sweater.

Those people were probably just too shy, is all.

Or maybe in a hurry.

Or maybe freakin' blind, people, because it is awesome, dammit!

You are pretty sure you are right because some weirdo creep knitter from Germany keeps Googling the image from your old post so it must be a really good bra! sweater.

And then you arrive at school, in all your awesome glory and someone says,"O-oooo-oooh... Did you make that?"

And just like that: it's over.


Dead in the water.

Unable to withstand the barrage of questions your brain is sending it, your little buoy of knitterly happiness gets tumbled by crashing waves of self-doubt and sucked in by the undertow of humiliation, drowned in the seaweed of... Oh, I don't know! Enough with the dumb oceanographic metaphor, already! The point is, ya' got some questions whippin' around in your head that your ego can't possibly survive:

Why did she ask me that? What did she mean, exactly? Does it look "home-made?" Maybe she knows I knit? No, she doesn't know you knit. Is she being snooty? You can't tell. 'Cuz you suck at that. What did she mean then? Oh, I know what she meant: She meant my SWEATER SUCKS BIG FAT EGGS.

Just like me.


So you drag your pitiful fat ass all the way back home and change into a boring T-shirt.

Fine! you think.

It's alright, 'salright, you tell yourself.

Tomorrow. That's a whole other day. And you are gonna be sooooo hot. You just know it.

Just wait and see.

Empire Waist Cardi


The folks over at humor-blogs are not especially fond of knitters, but they think this particular knitter is especially nuts.


amy said...

I totally brag that I made things. Is that wrong? Also, when I'm at the sort of parent-child classes that involve removing shoes, like Music Together, I wonder why everyone is wearing such dull socks. Is that not normal??

Your sweaters rock. :) (Does that make me sound old and dated?)

At Home Mommy Knits said...

Your sweater does totally rock! Gorgeous!!

Martha said...

I would be too shy to step on my brakes and ask you where you bought your sweater. Both of them look great, and not at all "home made."

The Empire Waist Cardi is fabulous!!! (and now bumped to the top of my Ravelry queue).

Heidi Malott said...

I LOVE both sweaters. Great colors and design. You should feel great and wear them with pride. Brilliant writing. I had to laugh, it's funny how thoughts run through our heads. Glad I am not the only one. I am my own worst critic and have learned to ignore it, most of the time.

Sandra said...

You look fabulous darling and doesn't look homemade. It looks like something I'd pay $80 for in the dept store. Of course I'd wait for it to go on sale. :)

laylablue said...

love the sweaters.
i brag that i made things. recently i made a scarf from some (famous) designer fabric, and every time i received compliment i bragged, then threw in the comment that maybe i should sell these things. no offers to purchase, but a girl can hope.

=Tamar said...

Gorgeous sweaters! And that's not just because I'm sitting here in a chilly house.

We ask "Did you make that?" because we're too insecure to just say "great job" lest it be store-bought after all.

Cathy said...

ok, this is hilarious b/c i am in the process of knitting the empire waist cardigan and actually have had that fantasy that i'll impress the s@#@ out of everyone that I made it. I sure hope mine turns out as good as yours. ;)

lucky knitter said...

They are just so completely jealous of your beautiful sweaters that they can't even find the words to tell you how they feel.

Beautiful colors and styles! Gorgeous... um, I'm jealous!

:) Thanks for the laugh!

ree said...

Oh mah holy hell.

Beautiful. Gorgeous. And that woman, probably surreptiously snuck a peak looking for a tag and THATS why she asked if you made it.

Geez. ;-)

TinkingBell said...

No -she was so totally freaked that anyone without major machines could make something THAT good!

It is brilliant - you made that yourself? Really? Wow? How amazing are you!

Rose Red said...

Yeah, she was just jealous (and also probably hoping that you'd teach her how she could make such great knitwear!)

That is a great jumper!

hokgardner said...

Both sweaters are beautiful, and the person obviously asked if you made it because the excellent craftsmanship was shining through!

kim said...

Both sweaters are awesome. And you are too. But, c'mon, you knew that already.

Bells said...

it's fabulous and I reckon it's all about the intonation - like 'did YOU make that?' - like wow you are so clever that YOU made it.

Or did you MAKE that as in wow I wish I could buy something as great as that.

It's all in your head mad mad!

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Well, I for one love it and think it is awesome. I'm not saying this just because every time I come on here I seem to kiss your butt. I really, really, really like it.

I'm serious! Were I at my weight goal through Weight Watchers, I'd totally want one. As it is now, wearing that would make me look like a pig struggling to get out of a .... a sweater.

(seriously, I love the color on the first one, as well as the style, and I love the style on the second one and would combine the color of the first one. Got that? Yeah...OK.)

Geek Knitter said...

Ah yes, the insecure voices in our heads. Tell that voice to shut the h--- up, 'cause you look fab!

TLCknits said...

YOU and your sweater ROCK! Thx for your brilliant writing style.. making my belly laugh heard all over downtown!

Bri said...

I often ask "Did you make that?" with anything knitted or crocheted unless I know the person wearing it doesn't make things.

It doesn't mean that it looks bad, it means that I think highly enough of you to ask if you had the skill.

It also means that I like it, I dont comment on something that I don't like.

Deb said...

Your sweater DOES rock, and she asked you that because she has never seen anything so awesome at some lame-ass store before. Somthing that brilliant had to come from an ARTISAN. Obviously.

Also, I used the term "bitchin" to describe my new kitchen backsplash and was mocked for it. Severely.

Seanna Lea said...

Those sweaters are fabulous looking. If I didn't know what the patterns were I would only ask if they were hand knit because of the thickness of the yarn. Silly machine knit sweaters have yarn the size of thread after all!

The Mother said...

Oh, yeah, that SUCKS.

But I am often solaced by the photos in sewing magazines which show obvious faults--so even the pros occasionally make stuff that looks homemade.

Susan said...

Keep in mind that if she is a big shopaholic (or clothing store buyer) she has seen every sweater out there and hasn't seen yours and so she knows it must be hand crafted! This actually happened to me with a skirt I made in college - a buyer stopped me in a store and asked (then complimented) my garment.

Hand crafted is a good thing!!

Barb said...

Dude, the FIRST sweater is awesome but the second is, like, something I would totally pull over to ask you where you go it!! (Okay, so YOU do the grammar on that sentence.) You so totally rock.

Chica said...

Seriously, they both look like sweaters one would purchase at Nordstrom. I can't tell the difference - they are fabulous! Here's wishing I could at least knit one row!

Jane said...

Love them both!! Brag away!

A Tired Wife said...

I'm impressed! I can make a bag lunch ... even dinner. That's about it.

leslie said...

you look totally hot in BOTH sweaters!!!!!!!
i LOVE the empire waist in green! i want it!

Tanya said...

I finished my Empire Waist Cardi last night and my 15 year old 'brand name only' daughter asked me if she could wear it to school today. She said that when people ask her where she got it, she gets to say 'my Mom made it'. She actually smiled as she said it. Imagine!

RivkA with a capital A said...

I love them both!!

Susan Tipton said...

This was the best knitting post I've ever read!

take the cake said...

Aaah another one of us who suffers from what I call "Homemade Syndrome"

take the cake said...

Aaaahh another case of what I call "Homemade Syndrome" us knitters and sewers have terrible trouble wearing something we made ourselves and feel good about it in the outside world. Bummer!