Sometimes you just know something's gone incredibly wrong with your parenting methods and you are at a complete loss to explain just how you were so outmaneuvered.
The other day, I replied to my son's perpetual "Kywchtv?" (Can I watch TV?) with "No... how 'bout you write a thank you/goodbye note to your teacher to give her on the last day of school?"
And he said, with the sincerest little face:
"Thanks, Mom. That's a good option for later. Kywchtv now?"
I'm pretty sure there isn't much worse than having an 8-year-old patronize you so I'm putting him up for adoption.No. Really. Just let me know in the comments.Or even just an email.
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On the handy other hand, I have figured out how to best my daughter, and it is such an excellent plan, and so much fun, I've decided to generously share my newfound knowledge with those of you moms who agree public humiliation is a legitimate and even proper parenting method.
For those of you who don't, bite me you simply haven't hit the pre-teen years yet. Come back in a couple, and we'll talk.
Anyway, this has been the most fun I've had all week. I loaded up my Walkman (and definitely, call it a "Walkman," because that only adds to your allure) with HER songs, and then let her have a bunch of her friends over and proceeded to parade through the house wearing my "Walkman" wailing things like "People in the PLACE! What do you want for LUNCH?!" all while incorporating hip hop (-ish - I am, after all 42) gestures into my singing caterwauling.
'Cuz nothing says "cool" quite like white suburban mom trying to do rap. Or hip hop. With her Walkman. And some air guitar. With a bit of air drums because you couldn't resist, even though they didn't really go.
Ah. It's the BEST. The BEST, I tell you. You should have seen their little faces. They ALL just wanted to die. Not even just my own kid. In fact, it's possible I've completely obliterated the need for playdates and sleepovers here altogether.
Feel free to use it:
Just look how well it works!
Boom-boom-POW.
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The folks over at humor-blogs don't raise smart-alecks AND know how to dance.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Boy 1, Mommy 0, Girl -10
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41 comments:
Awesome! Humiliating even her friends? True brilliance! Has she come out of her room yet?
I'm losing to my 4 year old boy a lot lately? Any tips?
A hysterical way to start my day! I am the same age as you....have a preteen son. Son caught me folding laundry singing a little Boom Boom Pow and was completely mortified! Gotta keep them on their toes.
Oh lordy, do I KNOW that face. And yes, sometimes humiliating your preteens or teens is the most fun you'll have all week! I whole-heartedly approve!
Oh, you know what else is fun? When a "new" song comes on the radio, and you start singing along, because you know all the words! Start singing "Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly! Telling my whole life...with his words..."
Then have your daughter yell, "Mom! How do you know that song?"
And then you tell her, "Because it's a remake of a song from the 70s, because none of today's "musicians" can come up with original songs!"
Then she'll get all mad and say "It is NOT a remake, it's a NEW SONG!"
Then go to Youtube and find the original by Roberta Flack and show it to her. Now THAT'S fun. :) I swear, half the songs out there are remakes of some sort. And some of them are nasty.
Those pics are priceless!
MadMad, in da HOUSE!
The picture of the girl is awesome.
My daughters aren't quite old enough to be mortified by me, but I'm filing this away for when they are.
Awesome! I don't think I'd have the guts, though. Perhaps I never got over my own teenage years?
Dear lord, she looks as though she's just hoping that the earth will open up and swallow her!
Well done, my hat is off to you!
I almost splattered my supper all over the computer screen! LOL.
Remind me never to go out clubbing with you.
I so understand, and yes, I think it's great. Hit em' where it hurts! My kids are 20, 16, 13, 12 and 9. I've been in it for a while now.
Last year I went with my daughter to exchange a pair of gym shoes they bought for me. I wore them out of the store, and did the new sneaker walk,jump, run in the mall. That was the BEST! I wish I had a camcorder that day! I'm laughing right now!
Word.
If you're not embarrassing your kids on a regular basis, you have no business using the title, "Mom."
And someone needs to rename those years. You know, the "terrible twos"?
It should be the "awful eights." Hate that year. There should be a special house, where we just drop 'em all off, to fight it out with each other for that year. Then the parents get to pick up the ones that made it, all civilized and ready for the world.
I am SO going to use this little trick! I've got someone who could use a little mommy-induced humiliation right about now :)
Now she'll only want to spend the summer at her friends house...brillant! Does it work with all the kids?
On a side note I love the thing ("thing" because I lack the word to descibe it...sorry) hanging on the wall behind you. You know the one holding the artwork and pictures. Its so cute!!! Where'd you get it?
: )
LOL! You are so GANGSTA!
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
Definitely a good idea!
I didn't have play dates or sleepovers growing up, so I can't imagine running them for the preteen set.
On "So You Think You Can Dance", they call that your STANK face.
You're doing it right. LOL!
The humiliation is just a bonus.
I am so scared of those years!!! Mine is still asking 40 times a day to watch TV too. No, No, No, no...
Too funny! I'll have to loan that advice to my brother (whose daughter is 12) and save it in my files for 8 or 9 years from now when mine hits that age!
I'll send you the 17 year old in trade for the 8 year old. Just beware the stink.
;-)
I was never able to humiliate my girls. They would have jumped right in and played air guitar with me. They would have figured I was just trying to make them laugh and played along. They never got the humiliation thing. My loss.
And my mp3 player IS a walkman. I love it.
Public humiliation - I need to add that to my parenting book - excellent tactic!
There's a remake of "Killing Me Softly"? Really?
You are the coolest mum ever. Fo' shizz. Or something...
Embarrassment is definitely a weapon in my Mom Arsenal. I've done the dancing down the supermarket/Target aisle version. Just haven't thought of this variation. I'll belt out songs I know and love, but never thought to use there own against them!!!! With a 15 yo boy and a 12 yo girl, I need all the weapons at my disposal. With heartfelt thanks.
hilarious! My son is 7 and is starting the "can I have a sleepover?" onslaught. Maybe this tactic would nip it in the bud. :)
Love it! Love it so much
You could also drop her at school - and then call her back when she has reached her friends to 'give mummy a lovely kiss''
That'll do it too!
You have done a great service to Mom's everywhere.
Oh my gosh, this is HILARIOUS. I'm SO going to try this today. It's the last day of school and I've got all kinds of girls over for play dates today. Heh heh.
ha. soooo funny!
and you are looking quite slim young lady!!!
from all the dancing?
Ha! I LOVE this. But I'm a little worried...bet it backfires and at least one friend decides you're "cool."
And Shelley's comment: yes that is so fun! Cuz girls were having a lot more fun before Miley Cyrus did that song like it was Scowly Art and ruined it.
Ohhh yes, I have done this and it works! I LOVE that look you get, priceless!!!
This is great advise for mom's of teens! You can't find this stuff in the self help books. :D
that's hilarious but honestly? I can't imagine wanting to willingly shame myself like that in front of kids. I would rather they thought I was nice, not embarrassing. Perhaps that kicks in after birth????
that's hilarious but honestly? I can't imagine wanting to willingly shame myself like that in front of kids. I would rather they thought I was nice, not embarrassing. Perhaps that kicks in after birth????
oh that face...have seen it many times ;)...boom-boom-pow!!
Her face is priceless! In mid eye-roll too!
Funny you should mention it but I think the BEST parents are the ones who know how to embarrass their children.
My oldest son rebelled and now listens to old jazz music. What the heck?! I'm seriously having a hard time with that one but I am considering saxophone lessons.
Perfect! I'm so using this one!
You are the coolest mom ever.
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