Thursday, March 12, 2009

Cheerio, dahling!

OK, I'm sorry to drag you guys all the way across the internets just for this, but I was wondering something:

How come the very same activity you thought marked your child for greatness (The Presidency, even!) at six months - that ability to single out a lone Cheerio from a bowl of hundreds and carry it ever so carefully to her mouth - Come see, honey! What a GENIUS! - is the very same one that 12 years later is going to make you reach across the table and strangle her for eating so slowly? Come see honey, why I'm about to kill her. She eats them this way every morning. One. At. A. Freakin'. Time! Every morning I'm hoarse from yelling to hurry up!

How steep exactly is this Cheerios consumption learning curve?

29 comments:

amy said...

You read my mind. I've begun putting a time limit on breakfast. The other day it took Vaughan half an hour to eat a bowl of Cheerios (honey nut; maybe those weigh more & thus are harder to lift to the mouth?) and a piece of toast. THIRTY MINUTES, and after the half hour he still had a corner of toast and I told him to put it down, he was done. For crying out loud. (I wanted to go take a shower before the baby's happy time was over and I couldn't.) Not only do they eat slowly, they eat a lot. Oatmeal AND cereal AND applesauce AND AND AND. Yesterday I said, "Do I look like a @#% 24-hour restaurant to you?" Mama PottyMouth, that's me. Shoulda named the blog that...

mo.stoneskin said...

Maybe you could mash them up, soak the mashed up mess, and mould them into one giant cheerio.

That way she can exercise her greatness just the once...

sandy shoes said...

You can only hope it will drive her Cabinet bonkers at Presidential breakfast meetings, too.

The Mom Bomb, a/k/a Folksy Mama said...

I would sympathize with you, but I myself am an appallingly slow eater. On the upside, slow eating has been correlated with healthy weight. So, yay!

Rachel said...

I'm a slow eater, too, but it drives me CRAZY that my kids are!

Maybe try the giant rectangles of shredded wheat instead?

Cathy said...

wow--that is pretty slow.:) my sons are that way in the morning, too--if i waited for them to clear their plates, they'd be 2 hours late for school

The Mother said...

You're worrying about the wrong learning curve.

The GENIUS here is in the brilliant way she has learned to push your buttons. Teenagers are fantastic button pushers--and they've had all those prior years to find yours.

Give her a baggy and throw her into the minivan.

The Family said...

I understand! Im in the same boat. Although my slow eater is four. Ive been telling myself he was going to grow out of that....soon....thanks for ruining that happy thought. :)

Five Ferns Fibreholic said...

In many years time....If she dosen't mind younger men, we could set her up with my son. The two of them could take all the time in the world at each meal. We would never visit or have them visit us so we'd never be bothered by the meal that never seems to end ever again.

carol2bs1grl said...

You know...I really need to find more work to do here at work. (Or, I don't know...actually accomplish my tasks for this morning) But instead, lol, after reading your post this morning, I had to go trolling through your blog because I could have just SWORN that I read that here before. And I did, lol, http://madmadhousewife.blogspot.com/2008/04/thats-some-learning-curve.html right there. Apparently she hasn't sped up in a year's time, 'eh? I feel your pain -- I have a slow eater myself, too. Me...ha, I scarf down my food like it's going to walk off my plate!

Amanda said...

Put a timer in front of her and tell her she has exactly ___ minutes to finish eating, after that all the breakfast goes into the blender and she can drink the rest on the way to school... I bet you would only have to blend breakfast one morning before she speeds up a bit.
Good luck with the gag reflex while serving it up....

Manic Mommy said...

Go for one big Cheerio. Otherwise known as a doughnut. Somehow they can manage those a little more quickly.

WA said...

I remember a friend telling me a story like this a long time ago. And I'm teaching my kids to share my breakfast of black coffee and misery.

Barb said...

It's the age. They are incapable of hurrying. Trust me on this, since many a burst blood vessel can be blamed on this maddening trait.

kim said...

Uh oh! I don't think there's hope for Gianna then... Of course, right now it makes babysitting time pass quickly, so don't really mind... And, I love to watch her chew.

Kathy B! said...

Okay this makes me feel better. My oldest (11) has become the slowest eater in the world over the last couple years. Is this some sort of pre-teen hell?! A harbinger of things to come?

It can't be good.

a friend to knit with said...

hahaha. i am cracking up.
i have one SLOW eater that drives me CRAZY. chewing every bite a hundred times. and one FAST eater that doesn't even chew. (and that drives me crazy, too)
and then one lovely chewer. i guess they all can't be great chewers. :)

the mama bird diaries said...

Girl really knows how to savor her food. My kids could not eat any slower.

TinkingBell said...

Oh god - yes the agony of mealtimes which actually take nearly a whole day - by the time the darlings finish breajkfast it is morning tea time and then by the time that is finally over it is time for lunch - no mother bird ever spent so much for her day feeding offspring.

Maybe I can just push 'em out of the nest...

Beth said...

I think my grandmother still eats that way. Just sayin.

IslandMom said...

I realized last night that one of my old college mates is so focused on his cheerios, that's what he does all day long: he makes giant, metal cheerios. Over and over and over again. Made me feel like my blog-reading working mommy life is so fulfilled! So, just help the young 'uns see that there are other shapes in life, even if they look at them slowly. One. At. A. Time.

Ree said...

I'm glad you reposted it because I never read it. ;-)

bernthis said...

In honor of this, I will do a reposting of an oldie on Sunday. Feel better? I will even link to your lazy ass

Bells said...

there are things in life I am glad I never have to deal with, sometimes, and that includes the painful eating habits of children!

And I am glad to see I'm not the only person who has old half written posts sitting around waiting for the day I need material.

Marinka said...

Hey, maybe considering changing breakfast items every 12 years or so? Just an idea!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Plagiarizing from your own self! That's low.

mommeeof9 said...

My kids better either A. make it to the bus, so they can eat breakfast at school or B eat fast so I can throw the younger 5 in the van and get them there on time. Since my oldest 4 hate taking the bus, the oldest drives them. She won't wait for them-they've learned to hurry. :)

Tracy said...

Somewhere, somehow I clicked on a link that led me to your blog. I have spent the better part of my weekend reading your archives.

I've laughed, I've groaned, I've laughed some more and wished my blog and writing was a fraction as fun and cool as yours.

Loved it, linked it and will be back to read some more just as soon as I can.

Bells said...

hey where's the one two punch post? I just came via google reader and it's not here! How am I supposed to comment?