OK, I'm sorry to drag you guys all the way across the internets just for this, but I was wondering something:
How come the very activity you thought marked your child for greatness (The presidency, even!) at six months - that ability to single out a lone Cheerio from a bowl of hundreds and carry it ever so carefully to her mouth - Come see, honey! What a GENIUS! - is the exact same one that 11 years later is going to make you reach across the table and strangle her for eating so slowly!?
Surely, they are not that hard to master, that so little progress has been made over the years. So I'm guessing Harvard, let alone the presidency, is out of the question.
But seriously, how steep exactly is this Cheerios-consumption learning curve?
Or is she just trying to see if a human's head actually can explode?!
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Thursday, April 17, 2008
That's some learning curve...
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28 comments:
People that eat slowly rarely are fat. Hold onto that thought.
Oh God yes - the slowest breakfast award!!! Drives me absolutely insane (luckily my son is ready to gnaw the leg off a table at breakfast), but I think my daughter is trying to get a 7.30am breakfast to morph, imperceptibly, into lunch, But only on a school day!
Your kid will eat breakfast? I'm lucky if I get mine out the door to school having consumed gummy bear vitamins, for feck's sake. Most mornings, those two gummy bears are too filling and much crying ensues.
I'm so impressed yours will ingest actual food products. I'm nominating you for Mother of the Year!
Are you telling me that my kid (who is three) will still eat this SLOWLY at age 11?
Oh my god. This is NOT good news.
Hmmmm...mine scarf down food like they just left a concentration camp. Care to trade?
Yeah, we don't have that problem at this here household. Consider yourself lucky!
Just don't watch - it's too painful.
There are a number of things that your kids do that are baffling. I have picky-picky who will spend most of the meal scrutinizing his food for any sign of herbage -- the smallest speck of green must be picked off. The meal is then consumed slooooowly, with the rest of us done and the table cleared off while he sits there, kicking the table legs and chewing. I just give him portable food for breakfast, that way he can eat it all of the way to school.
However, my oldest son set the benchmark for weird ingestion. He would hold things in his cheeks like squirrel for a long time after a meal. I still can not, for the life of me, understand what the appeal of that was. I got used to pinching his cheeks open after meals to make him disgorge the contents. Once I forgot to do this and found a hot dog that had had been carrying around with him for hours.
Not a pretty picture at all. I am happy to say that he has grown out of it and is a perfectly normal kid.
Really. Presidential material, for sure.
My kids KNOW that human heads explode.
The sight was so thrilling, however, that they have to see it again.
And again...
That's an easy question to answer; she’s trying to see if a human's head can explode.
My daughter prefers sleep to breakfast and my son consumes an entire box of cereal in seventeen seconds or less. So....just wait another couple of years, maybe she'll be sleeping instead of eating and you will move forward to the art of dragging her bottom out of bed without leaving a mark on her body.
Now, does it depend on the food for your kids? Mine will scarf pancakes down so fast I think they actually swallow them whole, but give them chicken or something and they must eat it one molecule at a time. It's just baffling.
ok, so the first comment? totally explains why my as$ is the size of a small bulldozer.
My daughter has been doing the eating slowly thing. I mean it takes her an hour to eat half a can of Spaghettios. She's only 2.5, but still!
I think that slow eating is a type of punishment for the parent. They know it drives you to head explosion and like the red colors your skin turns. I know a young adult (not one of mine, thankfully) who will not eat food if it is touching any other food on her plate. This is a 25 year old adult and she drives me crazy when she eats at my table.
Did you know that corn on the cob can be eaten one kernel at a time? And if you cut it off the cob you can then manually put one kernel on each tine of your fork and eat it that way?
auuugh! And then we get in trouble for sending them to school on half a cheerio and some angst!
I love reading your blog, MadMad. It gives me so many wonderful things to look forward to as Magic Baby grows up.
Jenn is right. Slow eating is something I need to master. I haven't recovered from the need to wolf my food when my kids were younger.
Oh...the presidential pincer grasp. I remember it well.
The child obviously needs more siblings - hungry ones - that might reach over and steal any food. The threat of loss to a sibling makes them eat real fast.
I'm guessing it's the whole lets see if I can make Mom's head explode thing.
There's always Community College. :-)
better that than snarling at anyone in a 3 foot radius. My friends kid does that and it scares the living bejebus outta me every single time.
Sheesh kid, I am not interested in your half mauled hot dog. And for crying out loud you are 12!
My new strategy - walk away! And if breakfast has not been consumed by school time, too bad.
Because exploding heads is worse than a hungry 11 yr old tummy.
Heidi
Yes, the Slow eaters unite against Mom's on time frame...
That was oh so perfect!
*snicker*
could be worse...she could be cramming them into her diaper to get logged into every crevase for you to stratigically clean up.
Hahahaha! Mine eats breakfast really fast. Like he's afraid someone is going to eat it when he's not finished.
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