Minding my manners

The other night, I went to a lecture on parenting because I needed to get out of the house because all my friends were going because I should at least pretend I care because I feel these things are very, very important.

And the speaker was a man, so I thought that could be hysterically funny because seriously, they're kidding right? interesting.

In any case, the speaker said that one of the first steps was being grateful. (See? Total kidding.) So I thought I should give it a try with Boy.

I do wish I could say I actually spent some time saving these up. Sadly, in the barn of a home in which I'm raising the devil himself my children, these all took place in a mere five hours couple weeks.


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"When are you going to fix your hair? It's gray. Really gray."

Thank you, honey.

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"Mommy! Mommy!" The teacher said a bad word today, and didn't even know it! She was using her middle finger to point to something, so I explained to her what she was doing."

Oh, great. Just lovely. Thank you, honey.

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"Mommy, mommy! Daddy knocked over that picture of you!"

What picture, honey?

"You know, the one where you look like a vampire?"

Oh. OK, thank you, honey.

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"Ooooh. I don't think that really fits, Mommy. Maybe you should change."

Thank you, honey.

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"I love you, Mommy. You're the best!"

Yeah. Well, listen. This "best" gray-haired, vampire fatty whose kid is going around "explaining" curse words to the teacher is still not letting you out of your room.

But, um... thank you, honey.


Well, there, now. Imagine that. It works.

Totally.